Have you ever been in a position where you can’t tell your loved ones how you feel and what you’re going through because even you’re not aware of it? This is my life almost on a weekly basis. But here’s one thing I can share with the world:
I really, really hate this current institution us “kids” grow up in that we call “school.”
School comes with new experiences and possibly more offers to our, hopefully, future career. To reach our dreams. I get it. We all learn something, which may help us plan our future. We meet new people, create a network, and form relationships. School’s great!
People graduate from high school or post secondary, reminisce, and say, “I miss high school” and “I miss university or college.” Well, whoop-dee-doo for enjoying your experience in school. Really. Good. For. You.
Here’s my middle finger.
No, not to you. To all the institutions that remind me of school. To all the institutions that are school. To all the schools that ruined my passions for things that I once enjoyed.
Yes, I actually liked physics.
I should have seen my hatred for school at the age of six as a sign to never continue. Just because I have education available to me, doesn’t mean I have to pursue it. I can use that thing called “freedom of choice” and stop.
I decided to go to university anyway. Why? So I can take my degree and beat the shit out of every family member or relative who said I couldn’t make it. I went to university to prove to myself that I’m not a complete idiot. I went to university to feel awesome that I’ll be the first person in my family to graduate from a post-secondary institution. Am I happy? Hell no!
With the series of stress and migraines that developed in the past two years, worsening, of course, I struggled to attend classes and have work completed. I tried. But did I regret forcing myself to do four consecutive years of school? Yes. And no one should ever do something that they’ll regret or that will make them suffer. Unless they’re that determined or their parents threatened to disown or kill them if they get anything lower than 99% in all their grades.
Fucking hardasses. Give your kid some freedom.
My blogs have not been funny. No. But it’s because everything is sour at the moment. I don’t really know what I want to do anymore. I’m probably going to be stuck at this part-time job until I crack under pressure and set something on fire.
Or maybe I’ll work late nights at some dump where drunk motherfuckers demand for drinks and smack each other’s asses after sneezing into their hands.
Or maybe I will be that drunk motherfucker.
Or maybe I will be the angry barista who will serve your professional ass your coffee.
Or maybe I will end up getting fat and living with my parents until I’m 50 years old.
Or maybe I will actually do something with this one thing I have - writing.
The only thing I can do is write. It’s my company, my companion, and my release. But how long will that last?
I’m not sure how many people can relate to their hatred for the school system, where one is graded for their talents, practically being ranked. The grading system pretty much says, “This is the career you can pursue” and “Yeah, don’t bother pursuing this one.” On top of that, how often is anything hands-on? Majority of the time, our faces are stuck in books (but if you’re an English or History major… you have no choice). If someone practiced hands-on frequently on something they were interested, I’m sure they can improve that way.
I’m not saying all education isn’t hands-on. Some are, and I respect that. I just wish that there were more hands-on applications rather than constant, tedious textbooks with unnecessary big vocabulary.
My passion and soul has been completely sucked out in this world we call School. I’d rather have an education that is more hands-on rather than JUST textbook. But I guess it’s too late for me now.
I just can’t wait to graduate and never look inside a school ever again.
School is just not for everyone.
I did a bit of thinking and observing since I couldn’t find a good link to watch Thor. I am Sri Lankan and there is a racist term for people like us South Asians (i.e. India and … whoever. Sorry, I failed Geography). “Paki.” This term originated over 30 years ago when “British hooligans used the term Paki-bashing to refer to the gang beating of ethnic minorities (Dictionary.com)”. It’s used to refer to us all South Asians, but it just doesn’t make sense because only one country has Paki people. It’s called Pakistan. And by the way, the correct term for people who live in Pakistan is Pakistani. SCHOOLED.
I’m one to be easily offended by (even if Tamil people use) such words as “punnani” and “pundai”. Anyone who says that… I usually shoot them with a bazooka in my mind over and over and over and over… So when anyone uses the word “paki” to refer to us South Asians, you can imagine how much worse that can get in my mind. I haven’t encountered such racist comments in a very long time, but if I did, I really don’t know how I will react.
Bad enough, Tamil people have a very funky racist term for East Asians: “chaputai” (according to my mom). That’s right. So for those Asians who are friends with Tamil people, listen carefully. While “paki” generalizes all of South Asian (us brown folks), “chaputai” generalizes all o’ y’all East Asian folks. Do you know what it refers to specifically? The stereotypical flat nose. Yeah. Now you know. To all the people who use that term and try to get away with it and your friend ain’t happy, you’re busted. And to those who just ADORE stereotyping: no, not all East Asians have flat noses. I have enough East Asian friends to prove that.
Here is another term that bothers me. “Nigga.” It’s said to be a derogative term derived from “nigger” and is usually offensive towards Black people. Some are cool with it. If a Black person uses the word, it’s usually not considered racist (from what I have witnessed). But is anyone else bothered by non-Black people calling other non-Black people “nigga” freely? It just seems so… odd. Am I missing something?
I have witnessed the misuse of these words in person and on social networks and it really appalls me that people are so ignorant that they think it’s okay to use them. Like, really: a) wrong race, folks; and b) don’t use them anyway. Someone will find it offensive, and you just look ridiculous. If I’m incorrect about a fact, please inform me of what it is I messed up on, but other than that, I’m done here for now.
Love & Good Vibes,
Ever have those days where you just want to be alone, but people keep bugging you? Or those days where you want to be around people - you make plans with someone and you’re so excited, and you have this illusion that you’ll be a part of it - and you realize that you’ve been forgotten and completely ditched? Just now, for some strange reason, the entire population currently residing in this apartment somehow were lounging in my room while I sit here with a massive headache. What part of “get out” do you all not understand? I know you’re family, but come on! I usually don’t care much about that being forgotten bit.
I normally don’t take up much interest in anything because frankly, I don’t care. But when I do want to take part in something, I help out a bit, and realize I’m not actually involved anymore… like I’ve been slowly pushed away. It feels like a stab in the back. Literally. Even if it’s unintentional. I just experienced such a feeling recently, and let me tell you:
1) I wish I had no feelings;
2) I feel left out and lonely; and
2) it sucks.
All of a sudden, it’s like I wasn’t there at all and that I didn’t help with any input. And then people think I’m just taking an interest in their plans or hobbies. Hello? I do remember contributing to this idea with you. Don’t make it look like you thought of it - 100% - all by yourself. This has happened more than once. I always say, “It’s okay” or “It’s fine. It’s not the end of the world.” You know what? Sometimes, it is okay. Somtimes, it’s not. I just say that to avoid anymore discussion on the topic.
There are days when I call a bunch of friends out just to sit down at a particular location for a few hours and grab a drink. When I try sending them a text or calling them, they don’t pick up, make an excuse, show up late, and then change the plans completely, or make separate plans to hangout with each other and forget me. Way to leave a girl hangin’. I agree that if I want to see my friends, it doesn’t matter what we do because we’re spending time together, but sometimes, I’d like to have a say in something. Of course, if I’m pissed off, I just act casual or be nice about it and just get the fuck out before I have a meltdown.
I hardly call people out now. I also stopped putting in effort to show I care now because people just have a habit of forgetting about me. Or at least, I try to not put in effort. I’m slowly blocking out my emotions again. Why? Because I was safer that way. I was able to focus on what was needed to be done. I’m not sure what that is. I always find something.
My mind is feeling some negative vibes today. Actually, just lately. I’m losing confidence not just in my writing, but my role in people’s lives. I feel like some people are just not acknowledging the fact that they want me out, so they say things that make it seem like they’re convincing themselves that I’m good to stay. Seriously? Cut the bullshit. No body deserves to be kept away from information like that. Someone can be next to you smiling like an idiot not knowing that you can have some deep secret inside that can hurt them. But at the same time, you’re just dragging this on until something blows up in your face and things are just fucked up forever, even if you happen to “move on”. Many of us are guilty of this. Don’t deny it. I admit I’m one of the “many”. I understand that it’s difficult, but if you can wake up everyday and face the horrids of society, then you can shed your friend some light and let them know what’s up.
Peace & Good Vibes,
Hey, yo. I’m alive and doing so-so. I haven’t blogged in a long time and unfortunately, this isn’t a happy one. Firstly, because I fucked up in school. Secondly, because I hate my job. Thirdly, because I hate my building. And finally, I hate people. Hurray!
For the first time this year, I got a bunch of D’s. I worked so many hours that I wasn’t focused on class work. I’ve never been so stressed out about school. I’ve learned I can’t work in my current position with these grades and hopefully I get a leave of absence until I’m done school. Or I can take a year off. Or I can just drop the fuck out, quit my job and sleep a lot.
On top of that, work has been pissing me off. I hate these customers who are disrespectful to the employees. For real? When we say we’re closed, you don’t say: “I forgot something.” You don’t go running off leaving your shit on the belt and take twenty minutes finding whatever the fuck you need. We open the next day. Come back later! We’re not going to grow wheels and move away. Grow some common sense and realize that the security guard working twelve to thirteen hours a day wants to go home. Grow some common sense and realize that these employees want to go home too. Don’t use the excuse of walking for ten minutes to get into the store. I don’t know about others, but I ain’t givin’ you mercy.
Come. Back. Tomorrow.
This building I live in - this “new and improved” Regent Park building - sucks. Our second elevator has been out for a month and a half. The longest I’ve waited for an elevator? Ten minutes. How many times was I late for my break and work? Almost all the time. I’ve given up. I climb up to the eighth floor and back down regardless of my knee pain, which was hurting since the first year of university. I’m going to start fourth year. That’s a lot of motherfucking pain! And there are people who are unable to use the stairs at all and need to get home in a hurry. On top of that, maintenance people are “on strike”. What the fuck is that? Bullshit to that strike.
I’m also sick and tired of fakes and people who are afraid to tell me what they think. I’m not a baby. Either be honest with me or stay the fuck away from me and forget we even knew each other. I don’t deal with fuckery.
I’m not even going to bother editing this bullshit. Peace.
What a ridiculous day! I was at work from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. with only a thirty-minute break. Why? Because it was incredibly busy. People actually took the time to come down to FreshCo on this shitty day… to buy groceries! It seems to be getting busier and busier by the day. I’m surprised the Sunday is busier than the Saturday night that I worked. People are supposed to be hung-over today, or over-sleeping, or something. Why man?! Why? I’m so tired. Fack ma vie!
On the plus side, my exams are finally over! How did I celebrate? I took Tunafish to Rancho Relaxo for his bornday. Click here for the review! Anyhows, the old man needed his beans.
Okay, he’s not old; twenty-two. If you’re reading this, don’t kill me!
Anyways, March was a brutal month. I had major assignments, financial stress (that’s not new), many illness issues, hardly ate, and then found out I’m pregnant. This explained my appetite fluctuations, nausea and the occasional vomiting, fatigue, and temper tantrums that can destroy the world. Women. Well, it’s a lot of emotional stress when these issues are combined.
In regards to exams, I was nearly living on empty and lost my appetite because I was so preoccupied with school. I wasn’t even hungry after working out. My only solution was soup and flavoured tea. For instance, I bought Tetley’s blueberry green tea and honey lemon ginseng green tea. Delicious! I know that most of my budget went to Starbucks for coffee and FreshCo for trail mix. I ditched most get-togethers and avoided attending parties because I was that wiped out. Then again, I don’t really like parties in general. I just like to chill and drink… sort of… although it’s been over a month and don’t really care.
I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE!
I can’t lie though. While I was stressing, I already planned a night of drinking with my brotha-from-anotha-motha; and getting high with my otha brotha-from-anotha-motha and eating pie; and my sista-from-anotha-motha, plus eating a meatball sub from Subway.
I know what you’re thinking. I do. No, honestly, I do. You want to know what you’re thinking?
Shut the fuck up, I don’t know what you’re thinking - OKAY?
Anyways, I already started looking for summer courses because I need to take a second-year Social Science class before applying into my periodical stream and focusing on my career path. So far, there’s a slight dilemma, but I hope the program coordinator replies to my voicemail, or I will have to personally barge in there myself, going Super Saiyan, and demanding an explanation!
Or kindly ask for her advice.
I also hope that York’s potential strike on April 12 does not affect spring/summer school. I really, really, need it. I have never been so serious about school in my life until now.
Going back to my financial stress issues, OSAP finally did give my money on March 20th, but I put everything into my savings account except for $1000.00. Guess what? All that is going to go on a two-night hotel-stay, my crown for my filling for $988.00, and my trip to Cuba for $544.19. Good bye, money! May you rest in pieces.
Okay, I don’t regret itthatmuch.
Anyways, this is the first time I will ever be getting on a plane. This is also the first time I will be leaving the countries. For all the elementary school teachers I gave excuses to for not doing my homework by saying I went to England: if you’re reading this… I clearly lied. I’m good at that. I can’t get in trouble now. And look! I’m in university. Yeah, yeah!
And this is why Mom tells me I’m a bad influence to children.
Anyways, I’m unbelievably excited. My Asian sista-from-anotha-motha (I have to stop doing that), Jennifurgle Bachular (sorry Jen!), and I have been planning to go to Cuba together for two-to-three years. Out of a spontaneous deal offer we once encountered, while I was supposed to be studying for my exam, we just decided to search Flight Centre’s website, found a pretty awesome deal, grabbed ma Asian-dad-from-another — okay, I’ll stop; we grabbed her dad’s credit card and kung-fu’d it, paying for our flight tickets.
"No turning back!"
Oh, how I miss DDR.
I hope my ears don’t hurt on the plane. I heard they pop. Fuck my already fucked life if they do. And that heat better burn off some belly fat. They’re so hard to remove! And those unlimited international drinks… we’re so fucked. Fuck yeah!
I think we both deserve this trip though. We’ve been so incredibly buried into our busy lives that we need to get away from this crazy country once, at least. Although she’ll come back and leave again… darn you!
So, that is the end of my wonderful blog, updated with all this juicy goodness.
P.S. I’m not really pregnant. April foolios? Yeah, failed attempt.
I can’t find my tweezers. I also walked in on a spider in my bathroom at 4:00 am. I walked around it slowly to do my business and stared at it as I finished. I’m not sure how I did this half-asleep, but I ripped a cardboard in half, trapped the spider with an empty tissue paper roll, covered the top with one half of the cardboard, and the bottom with the other half. I don’t remember how I opened the door to leave the washroom, but I did, and crept into the living room towards the balcony. Somehow, I opened the door to my balcony and unleashed the spider over the edge.
I couldn’t find it. I went back to sleep.
I woke up an hour later and asked Mom if it means anything if I see a spider standing still first thing in the morning. She shrugged. When I spider crawls up the wall, it’s good luck. If it crawls down the wall, it’s bad luck. What if it stands still? Hm…
I’m already hungry. It’s a bit too early, don’t you think? I have exams in exactly two weeks, an essay due this Friday, next Tuesday, and a presentation on Wednesday.
My OSAP has finally come. I love how it comes now. Each time I transfer a portion into my savings, more come. They won’t stop. On top of that, I got paid!
… why does this hurt my head?
And did you know The Situation’s dad calls himself The Confrontation? Do you watch Jersey Shore?
And hey! What is up with these elderly customers these days? There was this man who I accidently overcharged, and when my manager was going to help him, she took his receipt to the office to check to make sure it was an overcharge. This customer was absolutely impatient and started banging on the office door. Let me just say something: if you want to be treated as a good customer, bea good customer. You earn respect; it doesn’t get handed to you on a silver platter.
Anyways, this is the shortest blog ever and I’m way too tired this morning. Coffee? Absolutely. Pantslessness? Perhaps. Magic carpet lifting me off the ground and taking me to school? Fuck, no! As much as I like the idea, I like my feet on the ground, thank you very much. However, I will like to make an exchange of that offer by punching a hobo in the face and breaking the last of his teeth. Yeah.
It’s 6.07 am and this is Timmay signing off… for now. Have a good day!
This blog was meant to be for Monday, but it’s too late. Whatever, I’m still going to blog because I’m on a roll. I didn’t have a short story to post on Wednesday, and I felt slightly ill to blog on Friday.
Anyways, I had such a brutal week regarding my pained legs. I took an extra shift on Wednesday after an hour break. I went to school and back, and then my supervisor called me in to cover a shift. I offered, so I couldn’t really refuse after that. Extra money? Pretty much. And then the new sale decided to slap us in the face with the nicer weather and the weekend was pretty much busy. On Sunday, I ended up working eight and a half hours, took an hour to shower and get ready, and then travel another hour to Etobicoke to my niece’s first birthday. I ate late, and when I came home about three hours later, I threw up because my metabolism slows down so much after a certain time that it doesn’t digest anything. This morning, I woke up with stomach pains. Isn’t that so fun? I thought so.
I didn’t go to the reference library to study for my exam and decided to clean my room.
Start time: 9:00 AM
End time: 6:00 PM
Amount cleaned: 75%
Look! The first three letters spell “SEA”!
I ended up throwing out three bags of recyclables, one bag of waste, and two bags of general garbage. My room still looks messy to me…
Man, I’m so tired I can’t even think anymore. My eyes are shut while I type this. Gah!
Disclaimer: The first-half of the blog may be offensive to those who are highly political and support the Conservatives and our current mayor. However, this is Canada and I have free speech. I have the right to criticize politicians who allow themselves present publicly. Those who allow themselves to be under the public eye immediately allow citizens to criticize them. Some comments may be offensive. Readers’ discretion is advised.
I know I usually would blog on Mondays as stated in my schedule section of my Tumblr account, but this just had to be addressed.
I am a second-year student at York University travelling from downtown Toronto. I have to deal with high tuitions rates, financial issues, and can’t even afford the kindly reduced post-secondary student metropasses, let alone tokens. Recently I, and perhaps many others, needed to leave two hours before our class, perhaps earlier depending on where they live and if they’re taking the TTC, to make it to school on time. Initially, this was thanks to the new subway line construction, causing the buses to all take detour routes.
Okay, fine. That’s acceptable.
And then Rob Ford came along, our little Humpty Dumpty mayor, and decided to play with the budget cuts. According to an article in the Toronto Star, $1.4 billion out of the 9.3 billion reductions included bus route operating hours and “hike TTC fares” (Urban Affairs Bureau: The Star 2011). The reduction involves layoffs and buyouts of managers. At the time of the announcement, about 171 union positions and 251 management positions would be eliminated to try and save about $32 million per year (Fuck Rob Ford 2011).
That’s great. We’re saving money. How about those who are losing their jobs? How about those who need and rely on the TTC to travel places?
During my first year at York University, I did not have a problem with line-ups that snaked around the station or campus. This year, with five-thousand new students admitted into York, the line-ups have been ridiculous. For instance, in most cases it takes the 196B – the bus going from York, to Downsview Station, and then to Sheppard-Yonge Station – come every twenty minutes! Why do we even have one then? Why not just take the 196(A), get off at Downsview, and take the 84 bus to Sheppard-Yonge? Are buses not being wasted? Why wait for a bus that takes every twenty minute?
Today, I picked up the Metro newspaper which usually cheers me up every morning and keeps me occupied on my ride to school. Today, it added to my irritation. I was fuming and ready to hit someone (excuse my violent intentions) as I boarded the 196 Rocket. I am absolutely fed up with these budget cuts. Yes, I understand that the city will be saving money, but will the citizens be saving money as well? As far as I’m concerned, fare hikes and layoffs do not result in saving money for an individual, especially a post-secondary student. When individuals lose money, there’s less consumerism, and then we’ll be making money, I’m sure. Go Canada!
The article, “Bus, streetcar wait about to get longer”, Ford is deciding to cut the budget for sixty-two more transit routes across the city including: King and Queen Streetcar routes, and 25 Don Mills, 29 Dufferin, 35 Jane and Airport Rocket bus routes.
“Wait times will increase from as little as 15 seconds to as much as six minutes and 20 seconds, with many in the two-minute rage. (Torstar News Service 2011). As little, it says. What – our wait times aren’t long enough already?
I’m sure there are people who wait for extremely long minutes to get on a streetcar, bus or train and then end up being late to your destination. There are also people who experience being stranded in the rain or cold (or both) and need public transportation, but see five streetcars, for example, coming from the opposite direction, but none going in theirs. On top of that, streetcars and buses don’t mostly arrive on the scheduled times, and then we have drivers saying “It’s not my time to leave yet”, while having the bus sit at the stop with the motor still running. And I have never encountered so many out-of-service buses and trains in my life until this year.
I don’t mean to seem like a whining child about the public transit. Believe me; I’m still thankful we even have the TTC. I’m sure others are thankful as well. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to get to school or work (unless we had other methods of transportation). However, in my perspective the TTC service is nearly unreliable in frequency and with these budget cuts, the problem becomes worse. Is Ford ever going to understand? Maybe he will have an open-mind when he takes that hotdog out of his mouth and takes a walk once in a while.